August 2011
2 posts
I need to stop thinking of "growing up" as...
Every day we have a chance to be who we want to be, live how we want to live, and do what we want to do.
Not everything we must do is going to be fun or part of where we want to end up, but if we are doing it then it is necessary for some reason.
For the last few years I have had the joy of realizing, when down time came along, that I have done a lot of “growing up” over the...
One of my worst traits
Is that sometimes I just want the world to stop, so I stop being a part of the world. It works well for a few days, but then the unfinished tasks pile up and it becomes clear that the world didn’t stop with me.
Tonight, I’m refocusing. Tomorrow, I tackle the pile-up.
July 2011
5 posts
I've never met an adventure I did not like.
Well, since I was about 12 years old at least.
The thing is that every time I go on one of these long-term adventures I experience a re-cap of everything that has come before. All of my big life choices flash in front of me and some play through my head in slow drawn out scenes like a movie projected in 3D for my viewing only. It’s a great point in time for self-reflection, especially as I...
“I have been watching my life. It’s right there. And, I keep scratching at...”
– —Don Draper, S.4, Ep. 12.
I often find myself relating to Don Draper.
I always find myself feeling this sentiment. I wake up every day and I want to get into my own life. But, somehow, I go to sleep each night knowing I am still outside of myself. It’s always been this way. I just want...
Motivation Monday.
I got frustrated this afternoon because I tried to write my sick, favorite Uncle an email after a long spell of silence on my part. To be honest, the reason I haven’t written him in so long is because I am furious about his condition. It’s unfair and unsavory that the god(s) have done this to him. [He had esophageal cancer, now it is in a muscle in his back and there is a limit to the...
How could I have stopped caring about you,
and yet the thought of you treating me the way I think you have just makes my blood boil.
So very disappointed in you.
It’s hilarious to me that I’ve spent a few weeks having no interest in writing on tumblr, but a few things that have happened in the last couple of days have left me wanting to vent my heart out. I’ve been having a great time lately. I’ve been feeling more like myself than I have felt in a long, long time. I am happy, again. It has been longer than I would like to give...
May 2011
10 posts
I'll take TWO (count 'em... TWO)
Internships explodin’ all over the place right now. Day 2 of accepting work, let me count it up and knock ‘em down.
TWO. Bitch.
I HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING SUMMER INTERNSHIP.
Making life my bitch since 1987.
aswellingfeeling asked: Haven't heard from you in a few days and wondered what you are up to. How is the job search? How is your heart? Still beating, I hope. Love you.
Blast from the past
Back home for my brother’s wedding.
Feels a bit like times gone by: driving around in my parents’ cars, blasting music, living in my high school bedroom while I’m home, seeing old friends I haven’t seen in a year or more, and running on the same routes I ran during high school or college summers.
Some things came to mind that reminded me of reasons why being single again...
Nostalgia Attack
I think I’m at a turning point in my life.
I am once again completely unattached. I have no job, no girlfriend, some good friends who I could keep whether I was here or there, no place I need to be and none I want to be.
I don’t know what to do with myself, but I’ve been looking back over the last two years, and they’ve been a lot of growth and a lot of change, and then...
I have days where I find it impossible to believe...
They are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
We talk like things are normal.
In the hopes that maybe some day they will be.
I love you.
Yesterday I told you the truth again, for months...
Dear Love,
Yesterday, when we went for a walk and talked about the new relationship between us—the one where we are not a couple, but we recognize and respect the great emotional bond we have shared for all these months and remain honest and friendly—I opened up my heart to you one last time and told you the honest truth. I am not, have not been, and will not be angry or upset with...
1 tag
Sometimes I log onto the internet just so that...
I don’t want to talk to anyone necessarily, I just want them to know I am awake and doing something.
Every morning I used to kiss you to start the day,...
Now when the alarm goes off I turn over and you aren’t there, and it feels like someone has punched me in the stomach every time.
I love you.
April 2011
3 posts
I just found out that one of my most amazing...
And, she definitely makes my heart skip. She’s one of the most wonderful people in the world, a real gem. Check her out: http://aswellingfeeling.tumblr.com/.
Have I Lost Myself?
I must be honest. I am procrastinating right now. However, I feel entitled to procrastinate. You see, on Tuesday night, my girlfriend, who I came to love and let in to the depths of my heart over the past several months, broke my heart. That thing that I follow, that skips and beats and races. It is broken.
I’ve known heartache, but I’ve never been dumped.
More importantly, the...
October 2010
1 post
I want more.
By all accounts and objective methods of measuring, my life is great. I live in a ridiculous apartment. I have great friends, who complain that they haven’t seen me enough lately. I have a girl who I see, who likes to kiss me and hold me close as she falls asleep with her head in the crook of my neck. I attend a great law school. I work for a human rights organization. I have an associate in...
July 2010
1 post
June 2010
4 posts
Travel Pains, Hearty Longing
I spend my life moving around. It didn’t really start out this way, and I think it is intentional, but I never stay in one place long. I don’t know if I’m afraid of committing to some place, or if I’m afraid of permanence in general, or if I’m afraid of reality, but it just doesn’t happen because I’m doing things I love and they take me all over the...
S.U.N.Day
Sleep Until Noon Day. I love Sundays. Especially after a 6 day (7 if you’re counting by hours) work week.
Makin' Bills.
The past two days we have spent working with people from UNDP, several ministries of the government, and several NGO leaders in the consultative process of drafting two bills for passage by parliament soon. These bills are both strongly supported by the government, and are being updated from bills they attempted to pass in 2004 and 2005.
Yesterday (Thursday), we refined and discussed the Sexual...
May 2010
16 posts
In London, almost in Africa
By this time tomorrow night I will be set up in Freetown, Sierra Leone for a summer as a legal intern for a democratic policy and human rights NGO created and run domestically to monitor the Sierra Leone government and lobby, advocate, or litigate for pro-democracy reforms.
I’m pretty excited. This is going to be awesome. I will try to post some things on this blog, but in case I go quiet...
I'm spending the summer in Africa, check out my... →
You will find me in the shadow, and I'll be...
I constantly wonder about the ways of the world: how much of it is our doing? how much can we control? how much is life the result of everything else going on around us regardless of our actions?
I know little, and I can claim to know only less. Tonight I think it is the little things we don’t consider that end up determining our future. It is the choices we make without any deliberation,...
Sometimes when I have nothing to say, all I want...
An oddity
One of the stranger rituals I take part in is every year wishing a Happy Birthday to my ex. She is wonderful (see early-this-blog). There is nothing particularly wrong with her and nothing that went wrong between us. I moved away too many times to be able to handle the guilt of leaving her, and I worried she would eventually resent me so much for leaving that it would be toxic to us being either...
Yesterday I learned an entire semester-long course...
Today I finished my first year of law school.
LET’S CELEBRATE!!!!
“That’s not a dress. That’s an Audrey Hepburn movie.”
– —Jerry Maguire.
Wow, what a line. I’ve delivered a few good ones, but that is as solid as they come.
I really like this new theme I changed to last...
I wanted something with dates, and the color scheme is nice because it’s less harsh on the eyes. I dig it.
“Do you want to be a power in the world? Then be yourself.”
– Fortune cookie I got at lunch today. Very interesting…
I just want to save the world.
For someone.
For anyone.
For everyone.
Earlier this afternoon I realized I was genuinely...
I really, really need to do well on this one. I need this semester to show myself that there is some hope in these crazy dreams of mine.
One day soon, I'm going to be proud of what I...
Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
Two things I know about myself that infuriate me:
(1) I do not do anything the easy way. Case in point: A full, open day of time I could have spent outlining for my exam on Tuesday and getting totally prepared for it—and, what did I accomplish? About 3 hours of work on outlining, 2.5 hours of video games, 3 hours of catching up tv shows on hulu, and two naps at 45 minutes each. Awesome. Now I have to get up tomorrow and have only 1/3 of...
April 2010
7 posts
Confrontation
Sometimes in life, a lot of things converge on one night.
Tonight: I participated in the ritual of the NHL playoffs, and traded off attendance at one game for watching another. I went to a birthday party and had my future roommate defend my wearing his team’s hat by saying “he’s my roommate” proudly, and traded off coming home and doing some studying. I went to the local...
I'm not sure what I'm running from, or where I'm...
I don’t stay anywhere long, and I don’t have any plans to do so any time soon. This makes it really hard to get too close to people. Maybe that’s why I run.
I am addicted to being in love with women. Women...
“The best way to predict the future is to invent it.”
– Alan Kay (via azspot)
Another year younger... and another year more...
The long-term goals have remained relatively similar:
—> Find Love
—> Save the world
—> Live honestly
—> Live respectably
—> Live fairly
—> Live humbly
The short-term is ever more confused:
—> Survive another week.
—> Apologize to another girl because I know she isn’t where I want to spend time.
—>...
“But, in this demoralized and mediocre period of Canadian political leadership,...”
– Rex Murphy, Full Comment, National Post, April 3, 2010
March 2010
18 posts
Is my optimism a flaw?
I suffer from one definite, clear, and objectively disastrous weakness: a complete and utter lack of discipline in almost every way. I love to sit down and look like I’m doing something productive and do nothing at all. I love to say I’m going to do x, y, z and then not even start x because I couldn’t get there. I love to make promises to myself and never follow through. And,...