Blast from the past

Back home for my brother’s wedding.

Feels a bit like times gone by: driving around in my parents’ cars, blasting music, living in my high school bedroom while I’m home, seeing old friends I haven’t seen in a year or more, and running on the same routes I ran during high school or college summers.

Some things came to mind that reminded me of reasons why being single again can be good:

  1. I like the stupid things I do, and I do them because I like them. E.g. playing music loud when I drive in my car, singing along to whatever song I feel like and harmonizing as best I can.
  2. I like doing what I want to do, and I think what I want to do are things that are valid and worthwhile. E.g. If I want to go out with people, I am going out with people I value and think are worthwhile; If I want to sit at home and do nothing, I am doing that because I think it’s the best thing for me to do.
  3. I haven’t felt charming or assertive in a while, and those are two things I usually feel I can be any time. E.g. For the last few months, the only time I’ve felt that charming is in the cafeteria where a smile and a kind word seem to go a long way. 
  4. I am 24 years old, and I am doing things that keep moving me forward. Nothing is working out the way I might have planned ideally, but that is what people always say about life. I don’t need to know every step of my future yet, and I am fine with that. I don’t need to prove to someone else that my life is settled and stable. If they don’t like my life, they don’t need to like it. I just have to keep moving forward and something will work out.

There is more that has come to mind, but generally I am feeling better about myself and being single the last few days. I am still sad, I still love her, and I still wish we could have tried to work things out rather than ending them immediately. I hope that she will let us be friends, but I think I’ve done everything I can to make it clear that I am open to friendship and prepared to be reasonable, fair, and mature about our new relationship moving forward.

Just need to go back to the future and keep moving forward.